Party season is well underway, and if you’re one of the many that deals with social anxiety, you may already be thinking of creative excuses.
However if there’s a part of you that does want to get out and mingle, it could be time to make this the year of saying “yes”.
Professor Ian Hickie and James O’Loghlin, co-hosts of the podcast Minding Your Mind, reveal how to deal with those pre-party jitters.
REDUCE THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF ANXIETY
If you feel anxious before you enter a social gathering, take some long, slow, deep breaths. This will help you feel a bit calmer. Anxiety speeds us up, so slow yourself down.
Don’t rush or fidget. Move and talk deliberately. Once you enter the gathering, try to keep breathing slowly and deeply. Simply doing this can reduce anxious thoughts and feelings.
ACT THE PART
Even if you feel anxious, you can make yourself look friendly. Smile and make eye contact.
If you do that, others will want to talk to you more than if you present that stern look anxious people have.
Plus, acting like we’re enjoying ourselves does actually make us enjoy ourselves a bit more.
FIND OUT WHO’S COMING
Finding out beforehand that a couple of people you already know will also be going to the gathering should reduce your anticipatory anxiety and make it easier to walk in.
Try not to spend all your time talking to them, though. Can you branch out and talk to some people you don’t know?
TAKE A FRIEND
If you aren’t going to know anyone, can you take a friend? Again, once you get there make sure you talk to others.
PRACTICE
Once you’ve survived a social gathering that made you anxious, next time you should feel a little less anxious.
The time after that, even less so. This is exposure therapy.
By exposing ourselves to the feared object or event, we are gradually replacing anxious, catastrophic thoughts (“The party will be a disaster and everyone will think that I’m a loser!”) with more balanced ones based on evidence from previous experiences (“Last time I went, there were some awkward moments, but I coped, and had a few good conversations!”) and building up our tolerance.
FIND SOMETHING TO DO
If you’re entering a conference and everyone is talking to each other, instead of standing alone, find a queue. There’s usually one for coffee.
No-one looks awkward while waiting in a queue, and it’s easy to start talking to someone, because you’ll be between two people.
You could always order two coffees and look for someone who is alone, and kindly offer it to them.
At parties, seek out tasks. When you have a task, anxiety reduces (unless it’s defusing a bomb – if you’re at a party and someone is defusing a bomb, leave) and you start to feel more like you belong.
Offer to hand around food, so you have a reason to go up to people and talk to them. Or just grab a packet of chips, and offer it to people. It’s an icebreaker.
ASK QUESTIONS
Those who are socially anxious worry about what they’re going to talk about. It’s really simple.
Ask questions. Everyone likes to be asked about themselves.
Start with the usual: “What do you do? Where do you live? How do you know Chris? What did you do today?”, then keep asking follow-up questions.
“Do you like being a plumber? Is it hard? What are the best bits about the job? What about the worst?”
“Nice shoes. Where did you get them?”
Chances are that if you keep asking people questions about themselves, they’ll love it. They may even ask you a couple back. And because we are all egocentric at heart, if you keep giving them opportunities to talk about themselves, they will actually think that you’re really interesting (which is a pretty sad comment on human nature, but don’t overthink it).
HELPING FAMILIES
Each year, Ronald McDonald House Charities support more than 69,000 families of sick and injured kids.
November 15 is McHappy Day, when $2 from every McDonald’s Big Mac will go directly towards helping these families to stay together when they need it most.
You can also lend your support now by buying some Silly Socks, Helping Hands or Grab a Bucket Hat at your local Maccas, or visit mchappyday.org.au to donate.
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