- Liv suffered from extreme anxiety, a condition that was ruining her life
- Although she was prescribed medication, which helped, it affected her relationship
- Inspired by a friend, Liv investigated swinging as a way to reignite passion
- Despite her hubby’s initial hesitation, a visit to a swingers club was thrilling
- Here, Liv Arnold from Melbourne, Vic., shares her wild story…
Unable to sleep, I gently nudged my fiancé, Tim, awake.
It was well past midnight, but I couldn’t stop thinking about work.
Earlier that day, I’d noticed a colleague looking at me and it had sent my brain spiralling.
“I think everyone at work hates me and I’m about to be fired,” I told Tim.
Tim and I had been together for a year and a half.
He knew how bad my anxiety could get and it wasn’t the first time I’d woken him up at night.
“I wish I didn’t feel like this,” I said.
“Maybe it’s time to seek out some help,” he offered gently.
Read more: We created a sex toy for our friend who’d never had an orgasm!
Knowing he was right, I booked an appointment with my GP, who diagnosed me with extreme anxiety, and I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication.
Feeling much calmer, I was able to move forward.
In 2016, Tim and I married, I got a new job at a university and went to writing classes in my spare time.
But by 2019, my anxiety had crept back.
One night, I had a panic attack and felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Tim found a GP who did house calls and he gave me some valium to help me sleep.
It did the job and I struggled on, using the anxiety medication I’d originally been prescribed.
But by 2021, it became clear my mental health wasn’t good.
I went back to my GP.
“Tell me about your life,” she said. “Are you in a relationship?”
“I’m married,” I replied.
“And is it a happy marriage?” she asked.
The question caught me off guard, but when I thought about it, things hadn’t been great between Tim and I recently.
We simply weren’t communicating with each other as effectively as we could be, and our once steamy and wild sex life had dwindled.
“Things could be better,” I admitted.
She suggested we try couple’s therapy and prescribed me valium to help with my panic attacks.
“Only use it in emergencies,” she advised. “It’s highly addictive.”
Thankfully, Tim agreed to try couple’s counselling.
With the therapist’s help we built up a connection again by doing things like spending quality time together.
But the situation in the bedroom remained flat.
I started thinking Tim no longer fancied me.
To cope with the panicky feeling, I started taking double, sometimes even triple, the recommended dose of valium.
Then, one day in 2023, I opened up to my brother, Bon, a pharmacist.
“You’re doing yourself more harm than good,” he said.
He advised I take up jiu-jitsu and muay Thai, which I did.
I also added cold water therapy to boost my mood.
After a few months of withdrawing from the anti-anxiety medication,
I was able to stop taking it altogether.
Clear-headed, I turned my attention to my 10-year relationship.
Talking to Tim, we agreed we didn’t want to break up.
“But I want us to try different things,” I said.
I’d always been a sexual person and had even written three erotic novels.
I remembered a friend’s comment about how swinging, where couples in committed relationships sexually engage with, or in front of, others, had helped keep his relationship fresh.
“Sex parties and swingers clubs are a safe way to explore adventurous urges,” he’d told me.
Curious, I typed ‘Sex clubs Melbourne’ into Google and found one not far from home with good reviews.
“What do you think?” I said, turning my laptop to Tim.
“No way,” he replied.
“But I think it would help,” I pleaded with him. “And it’s not seedy!”
After some discussion, Tim relented, but with some ground rules.
“Other people are off-limits,” he said.
Sexual fantasies play a significant role in intimate relationships, influencing both personal satisfaction and partner dynamics. Engaging in fantasies about one’s partner, can enhance desire and strengthen emotional bonds, serving as a mechanism to maintain relationship satisfaction over time. Conversely, fantasising about individuals outside the relationship, may introduce novelty and excitement but could also highlight relational problems, potentially leading to decreased satisfaction. Understanding and navigating these fantasies thoughtfully can help couples foster a healthier and more fulfilling connection.
Does exploring fantasies help relationships?
Source: Psychology Today
“Deal,” I agreed.
We decided to make it a special occasion.
On the night, as I slipped on cute shorts, a pretty top and a pair of heels, butterflies fluttered around my stomach.
Tim dressed in a nice shirt and pants.
Over dinner at our favourite restaurant, Tim said, “Remember, we’re not touching other people.”
“And if it gets really weird, we can leave,” I smiled.
After dessert, we headed to the club.
Inside, the bartender offered us a free glass of liquid courage.
Then, Tim noticed a cheese platter on sale for a tenner and his eyes lit up.
“We’re in a sex club and you’re getting excited about dairy,” I chuckled, rolling my eyes.
Just then, the host invited us on a tour of the swingers club.
“Upstairs is where the magic happens,” we were told.
We both glanced at each other and gulped.
My heart pounded as we made our way upstairs.
Tim showed me his Apple Watch and his heart rate was through the roof!
Walking through the rooms, we saw sex swings suspended from the ceiling and tables laid with whips and chains.
Not for us, I thought.
When we were shown the swingers’ room, there were already couples going at it on one bed.
I turned to Tim.
“It’s now or never,” I said.
When he began to unbutton his shirt, I felt a thrill of excitement.
I followed suit and stripped off, too, and then led Tim to a chair, close to the action.
Surprisingly, despite our nerves, we managed to have sex and it was fun.
Afterwards, we headed back to the bar and spent another few hours chatting with other couples.
Later at home, we cuddled in bed together.
“Well, that was something new,” Tim said with a cheeky grin on his face.
We’ve not mentioned going to a swingers club again, but you never know. Our sex life has certainly improved.
Today, I don’t take any medication at all for my anxiety because I’m dealing with whatever life throws at me.
I’ve realised sometimes, challenges can be more exciting than you think!
I was hesitant about the sex club because I thought there would be creepy people there.
Tim says:
I have always loved Liv. She is my world. All I want to do is protect her.
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